I Hate My Sister's Boyfriend

My sister Sarah (literally my favorite person in the world) is 18 years old. She's been in a long-distance relationship with a guy since August. His name is Tim, he's 23, and I really don't like him.

To be fair, I doubt I'd ever think any guy is good enough for Sarah, and I've only met Tim three times.

The first time we met was in September when he was visiting her here (she used to go to school in Grand Rapids), and I invited them over for dinner. I made lasagna and cleaned the apartment. I don't know about you, but if I were meeting a member of a boyfriend's family for the first time, I'd try to make a good impression. He said about 20 words all evening. I'm not the most social person in the world, but I was really trying to talk to him. I didn't want to look like I was interrogating him, but I kept asking questions in order to try to start a conversation. He'd give a one-word answer, then stay silent.

The second time we met was at the end of October on the way to my grandpa's funeral. The funeral was in Missouri and Tim lives in Illinois, so we stopped at his grandma's house in Illinois to meet my parents, who were coming from a different direction. Tim stopped by the house while we were waiting, and I kind of left him and Sarah alone so they could see each other. He was a little more communicative when I did interact with him, but not really enough to overwrite the bad first impression. I also noticed that his grandma seemed to wait on him hand and foot while he was there, which kind of bothered me.

On our way back from the funeral, we picked Tim up to bring to Grand Rapids. He and Sarah were going up to my parent's house for the weekend, and his parents were traveling up in a few days to visit his brother, who is the youth pastor at my parents' church, so he'd ride home with them. To be fair, I was kind of upset about Tim riding with us, since I hadn't been informed of this until we were about an hour from his hometown. I did resolve, though, to be nice. We got to his house pretty late at night, met his mom (he lives with his parents), and spent the night there. We left around 10 the next morning. He didn't say a single word for the first 2 hours of the trip, and even after that he rarely spoke at all. I'm not at all a morning person, but that's kind of ridiculous. I kept asking him questions, trying to be social, but he just ignored me. I even asked Sarah about it this time (I hadn't mentioned to her that I didn't really like him when we first met), but she said she had never seen him act like this.

Today, however, was the last straw. Sarah left school after last semester, and she moved back home with my parents. She drove 9 hours on Saturday to see him (missing my dad's birthday and most of my visit home). She was planning on staying until Friday, then coming up to see me for a few days, then heading home.

Now Sarah and Tim's relationship, while they haven't really been dating very long, is quite serious. They talk for 2-3 hours on the phone literally every night, and they've been pretty seriously discussing marriage. I think 18 is WAY too young to get married, but I've shared that opinion with her and now the decision is up to her. I love her and will support whatever she does. Sarah was kind of expecting a proposal on Valentine's Day, although she was pretty much just excited to be celebrating Valentine's Day with a boyfriend for the first time. She made him heart-shaped peanut butter cookies (his favorite), and bought him a little turtle figurine (her nickname for him).

When I got home from work today, there was a message from Sarah on the machine saying she wanted to talk to me about the worst Valentine's Day ever. I called her back; this is how they spent Valentine's Day: She went to work with him from 9-5. She did homework all day while he worked (she's taking college classes online). When they got home, she and his mom cooked spaghetti for dinner. They ate it together, then Tim wanted to go to the gym and work out, but his mom talked him out of it. They sat down and watched tv all evening. No card, no flowers, no ring.

Now I'm thinking (hoping for her sake) that this is probably some elaborate setup, and he's planning on doing something before she leaves, but why on earth couldn't he have given her at least something on Valentine's Day?! This is the first time she's ever been in a serious relationship, and the first time they've been able to be together on any major holiday. I could see this all being part of some plan to do a complex proposal or something in the future, but she was in tears on the phone talking to me. He made my sister cry...I don't think I'll ever forgive him.